Where can I find a man who has forgotten words?

I would like to have a word with him!

Gary Tzu

.....dear viewers, you must forgive your sincere friend, Gary the White, for falling behind on his intermittent intelligence dispatches into the land of Colonial cyber .... It has indeed been a very busy - and indeed somewhat troubling - time! So, bring your patience forth, share it with me, and I will bring you up to speed with the unfolding of time and circumstance.

It feels a lifetime ago - although it was only over 2 weeks back - that Gary the White descended from his brewery rafters, assumed his incarnate human form as Gary Snr, and travelled a long and hard road to judge at the recent Perth Royal Beer Show (Note: Gary Snr left Rooprett to wind brewery activities down for a few days, and thereafter take himself on a well-earned sabbatical to the Kimberley, a copy of 'Diesel and Dust' placed firmly in his hand by Gary Snr; .... unfortunately he was only to return with a new Steve Earl and Del McCoury Band V Neck long sleeve T-Shirt replete with gold banding and a copy of "This Pastoral Life: Almanac 1996" ). The beer judging - as always - was revelatory for Gary Snr and I always enjoy accompanying him on these ventures; but it was the events that unfolded in his absence that concern us here!!

It was an early weeknight, a deep dark night of no moon (Gary Snr safely entrenched in his metropolis slumber), the soft though bitter nor-easter gently caressing the surrounding Colonial eucalypts, as 'Feral the Fox' slipped silently out of the underbrush of Bramley forest, and breathlessly floated across the mandarin orchard towards the Colonial chicken coup! Nestled cosily alongside his harem of Gary Bantams, 'Bwyian the Rooster' remained totally oblivious of the approaching 'red devil'. As we all understand viewers, Feral the Fox is a clever and tricky adversary, definitely not to be trusted ..... his pelt indeed may be fine, but his teeth are sharp and poisoned with ill-intent!! He stealthily moved downwind towards the coup - Bwyian and his entourage remained completely unaware of Ferals presence! For a brief moment, Ferals anticipation at claiming another trophy makes him hasty .....  a small twig snaps!! Feral freezes ............... and Bwyian stirs! Bwyian senses all is not right, but Gary Bantam nestles in, her right wing easing downwards! Bwyian sighs and relaxes! Feral breathes out ....he nearly blew it! Deciding he may have lost his cover of surprise, Feral abandons stealth and accelerates rapidly over the last 20 yards .... he's at the wire, under the fence and among Bwyian and his courtesans before their eyes can open! Viewers, its total pandemonium ......... Feral is an expert at this and I do not want to paint a picture here of his rapacious and unflinching commitment to his appetite; it is simply too disturbing to those who admired and cared for Bwyian and his Bantams! Needless to say that, as the first rays of a soft early winter sun fingered towards the silent chicken coup, there were only tattered and torn feathers to receive its warmth!

At the Colonial homestead, Little Gary and Gym Gary (who we shall meet next week) stir from slumber, and immediately understand all is not well .... the raucous sound of Bwyians early morning maneuverings does not greet their ears! Of course it will be they who first witness and describe the carnage, and in their hearts a painful vengeance is born!

And since that fateful and calamitous catastrophe my dearest viewers, 'Little Gary' and his faithful sidekick 'George' (who we shall also become more familiar with in coming weeks), don their battle fatigues each dusk, lower their night vision goggles, shoulder their air rifles, kiss their wives and children goodnight and march purposefully off to the forbidding edge of Bramley forest! They bunker down for the night, each with a 'Growler' of IPA (and keys to the brewery for more if they require dutch courage) and a pack of Lemon Finger biscuits, and tune their iPods to artists who will feed their resolve for battle ('Wolfmother' for Little Gary ... it's the whole howl at the moon vibe ... and 'the Smiths' for George ..."sweetness la la la la la, bigmouth strikes again ....." )

....but of course esteemed viewers, Feral the Fox lies close by, silently watching our brave frontliners, and plans his next prize trophy !!!

Footnote:

All Colonial Gary's, George and Rooprett send their best wishes and love to 'Gary the Herring Assassin' who somehow miraculously walked away - mostly unscathed - from a dreadful car accident. Thankfully and magically, but clearly in shock, she crawled from the wreckage still clutching a dozen herring, all with their heads cleanly and neatly snapped back!

... adieu until next week blessed revelers!

Next Week

The Tale of Little Gary and the Fountain